Two years ago, I went thru the toughest breakup in my life. The end of a year engagement and a four and a half year relationship. I couldn't understand why God allowed this to happen. There were many months of tears and sorrows, denial, anger, and finally understanding.
I allowed my self to go through the mourning process, however during that time I didn't just sit like a bump on a log. I started searching for God and believe it our not Started working the 12 steps-Though I am not addicted to Alcohol or drugs I realized I was addicted to relationships. Yes you can be addicted to relationships, sex,food. Anything in absessive amounts in your life that cause your life to become unbalanced and unmanageble has become an addiction in your life. Sorry... its true.

I made this man number one in my life. I read journals of me begging God to show me the way to make Him number One, Jesus the Christ Number one in my life. Though I had a companion I still felt so very empty and all alone. I got to the point where i was surrounded by hundreds of thousands of people every day, but still felt so alone.

I read self help books I read christian books. I read books that showed me what it was like to be the true virtuous woman that i wanted to be. All these books had one thing in commong. God wants you and you alone. He wants you to be in His desert of Oasis with Him. He wants to be your husband, your wife(I know men you find this difficult to grasp considering the fact-however in heaven there is no male or female. We are one body.) Your best friend YOURS! He wants you to make Him your everything. When I discovered that Jesus Christ couldn't live without me, thats when my thoughts on being single changed.
I have been offered many dates over the two years. The first year I accepted them. The second year I decided I don't want it. I want a year of singleness to find God and completely get lost in Him. I realized until I made Jesus my all, I could never handle a relationship, nor do I WANT TO.

So living life as a single christian or a single person period. Isn't really all that bad. There is more you can do, more places you can go. God can utilize your time easier. Think about it mission trips, scholarships, bible studies, alone time with God. After all once marriage enters into the picture alone time with Christ becomes harder, alone time period becomes harder. Sanity gets further and further away. Children enter into the picture, college to pay for, games to go to recitals. See what is happening here, less you time most importantly Less God time.

Don't get me wrong I am not saying I do not want to get married. I DO very much so. To the write one. TO the man who doesn't mind being number two in my life. After all if he can't settle for that he is not a man that should be in my life to begin with.
I want a man in my life who makes Christ His all. Who his true joy and Happiness comes from Him and Him alone. I also myself want that. I want to be complete and Christ so I can better complement my helpmate.
Think of it the closer we are to Who God wants us to be, the better spouses we will become, the better helpmeets, the perfect complement to the godly individual God has out there for us.

Thats all for now. It's late and I'm Tired.

God bless...